31 Nights of Horror 2012 - PART 2

I'm always varying things up when doing these marathons, whether it's different eras or sub-genres. I always throw stuff in I haven't seen and there were actually a couple of surprises in this group.

October 11th - ROAD TRAIN (US TITLE - ROAD KILL)  6/10
This is an Aussie flick from 2010 about a demonic Road Train, which is basically an 18-Wheeler with extra trailer, that traverses the outback hunting people.  I am a sucker for killer vehicle movies and I've been a fan of nearly every cult Aussie flick since I was a kid.  With all of that going for it, this film was a bit of a letdown.  Without giving anything away, the film actually has a solid concept.  They just spend way too much time on a plot that would be better suited for a soap.  The pacing needed work, the dialogue was shit so the actors couldn't overcome the script and some of the artistic flare just didn't work.  However, this flick shows promise and tried to be a little different and surreal.  For that I gave it an extra point.

October 12th - SCARECROWS  7/10
HayAy!!  There just aren't many decent killer Scarecrow movies out there and really no great ones.  Another opportunity for someone to do something badass, I say.  Anyfuck, this 1988 film is easily one of the better ones and some might argue the best.  It sets a great tone and does it's best to overcome its many faults.  Bottom line though is that its an entertaining flick with a better than average plot.

October 13th - THE DEVIL'S ROCK  8/10
This one might be the surprise of the month.  I wasn't really expecting much to be honest and this film delivered the demonic goods.  From 2011, the storyline actually takes place on the eve of D-Day, so it's a period piece and it's done well.  Interesting plot focusing on 2 soldiers who are on a mission to distract from the Normandy invasion and stumble upon a Nazi plan that has to do with the occult and the supernatural.  I highly recommend this one so I'll say no more concerning the story.  Great pacing, a slow burn, goopy gore galore, incredibly solid acting and go ahead and Netfix this whore because it's streaming for your pleasure.

October 14th - ELVIRA: MISTRESS OF THE DARK  5/10
Looking to lighten the mood, I decided it was about time I watched this film.  Anyone who is a horror geek is familiar with the bodacious boded Elvira as a host of some of the best horror and science fiction schlock flicks around.  Elvira may be stacked but the jokes in this were flat.  Her brand of humor is great in small doses but can't carry a film.  Also, there are little to no horror elements.  This is really a full on comedy and a pretty generic one at best.


October 15th - Double Feature - DOLLY DEAREST  5/10
I laughed, I cried (when I accidentally rubbed salsa in my eye), I watched Tasha Yar try and save her brat daughter, I saw a child that could have easily grown up to be Rick Moranis be a smartass turd to Rip Torn and I watched an older than the Mayans spirit possess some dolls that shook like they were having seizures when they screamed. 
DOLLS  8/10
This is a little nugget of awesome directed by Stuart Gordon.  That should tell you enough right there.  Love the mood of this film.  Gordon has a great sense of dark fantasy in his films, much like Argento, where you feel that you're in a world where all the rules don't quite apply.  If you haven't seen it, I can almost guarantee you'll be hooked after the teddy bear incident.  Enjoy.

October 16th - THE HAUNTING OF JULIA  4/10
Although from 1977, this one was new to me.  All I can tell you is that it's clear Mia Farrow is bad for children.  This much is crystal.  Probably the funniest of all children death scenes right off the bat that will leave you shaking your head in the disbelief of the utter retardation you have just witnessed.  From there it is a boring look at a dry self-possessed nutbar who does a bunch of shit that makes no sense.  This film is a yawn and a disappointment.

October 17th - CHILDREN OF THE CORN  7/10
The film that made cornfields creepy.  You've seen it.  You've heard the theme music.  You've become acquainted with He who walks behind the rows.  He's made of animation. 

October 18th - DON'T LOOK NOW  2/10
Don't Look Now.  Do not.  Look. At the screen.  Holy shit, I can't believe this was recommended to me so highly as some kind of classic.  The only thing more disturbing then the awkward weird grunts Donald Sutherland makes through this film is the love scene between him and Julie Christie where I swear she was up in his armpit nuzzling ferociously.  I'll quote a review of this I read after viewing it and trying to understand what people enjoy about this flick.  "God save us from the artist."  This film wants to be a giallo so bad but the talent is NOT there.  And by the way, the ending that every one says scarred them for life would be a fucking hors d'oeuvre in an Argento film.  Go watch Deep Red or Tenebre and see how shit is done.  And oh yes film friends, I understand very well the intended symbolism, etc, etc but I also understand that half of the shit you claim to be symbolism is in fact random nothing shots that dissolve into objects.  This movie sucks.  I'd never been so happy for a movie to end.  Tripe.

October 19th - TOURIST TRAP  9/10
This 1979 piece of uneasiness is such an underrated rarely seen film.  One of my all time favorite horror films, this flick is flat out disturbing.  The first time I watched this about 8 or 9 years ago I couldn't believe how effective this film is in creep factor.  The less said the better but if I could only recommend 2 rare films from this year's marathon, this would be one of them.  I would also be remiss to not tell you... young Tanya Roberts.

October 20th - PHANTASM  10/10
Listen, if you're not familiar with surreality that is 1979's Phantasm, you aren't familiar with a classic of the horror genre.  If someone mentions "the tall man" or "the ball" and you're clueless, I recommend you rectify that shit immediately BOY.

October 21st - HOUSE OF WAX (1953)  9/10
An absolutely gorgeous piece of cinematic history that is still stunningly colorful.  A Vincent Price classic that holds up amazingly well.  Can't believe I waited this long to watch this.

31 Nights of Horror 2012 - PART 1

Yeah, I haven't posted a review of anything since August 2010.  What did I do in 2011 and most of 2012?  Moved to L.A.  Got my ass whipped by life.  I am sure all 3 of you who read this have been aching in your loins for some SilverBulletCinema blog action.  So, I'm going to review my 2nd Annual horror film marathon, just touching on the pink parts.  I'm also including my rating of the film next to the title, in case you're color blind.  Here we go...

October 1st - SESSION 9  8/10
It surprises me how many people aren't familiar with this film.  It's a creepy as hell slow burn shot in an abandoned asylum that is actually haunted.  Session 9 has atmosphere to spare and an ending I will only refer to as murky. Fucking bad fucking ass. The acting is top notch.  And, yes, as a matter of fact that one dude right there is Josh Lucas.  You're welcome.

October 2nd - BLACK SABBATH  6/10
It's Italian. It's from 1963. Ozzy and company named their band after it. I prefer the first of the two films "The Telephone".  Love the look of this film too.  Based on the first 3 sentences I stated, you should watch it.

October 3rd -  Double Feature - THE VIDEO DEAD  5/10
 This flick from the 80's looks like it was shot on a camcorder with the neighbors kids as the leads. Disturbingly, I was entertained nonetheless. This fucking atrocity of cheesetasticness will retro rape your eyes.
THE GATE  7/10
Hello little Craig Sheffer.  I've loved this movie since I watched it at a slumber party when I was a hairless preteen.  If you haven't seen it, then what the fuck?  It has stop motion animation bitches.

October 4rth - THE BURNING  7/10
The Jewish Friday the 13th.  George Costanza gets murdered at summer camp.  Oh, I gave away a plot point.  What an arsehole. Fun movie.  Saw this for the first time a few years ago.  Nice gore, typical F13 rip off plot but easily one of the better ones.

October 5th - SLITHER  9/10
I know you've seen this.  If not, I'd tell you to just go kill yourself but then I wouldn't want you to die without witnessing the perfect storm of B-Horror on the A-Level.  If you haven't seen this, I'm telling Nathan Fillion on his twitter and he will tweet your failure to millions. 

October 6th - THE FACULTY  7/10
Robert Rodriguez and a shitload of talented young actors make a Drive-In worthy Sci/Fi-Horror rip of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  Holy shit, he totally called the energy-drink fad.  Just imagine what a FourLoco would do to one of those aliens.

October 7th - THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY  10/10
Italian masterpiece.  One of my personal favorites.  One of Fulci's absolute best.  The pacing, the shots, the atmosphere, the gore, elements of the supernatural as well as a nice nod to Frankenstein.  What more do you need?

October 8th - Double Feature - CHILD'S PLAY  8/10
Chucky.  That's my review.  You've seen it.
SEED OF CHUCKY  4/10
These have steadily gotten worse and gone into straight bullshit camp.  I mildly liked the Jennifer Tilly plot but it has a fucking rapper in it.  Redman.  Who plays himself.  Who is referred to a couple of times as what sounds like "Redmin".  My guess is that this is an attempt to make it sound less fucking ridiculous to call some one "Red Man" in normal conversation.  This was my first time seeing this and it was everything I thought it would be.  I'm actually looking forward to the reboot.  That's fucked up.

October 9th - WEREWOLF: THE BEAST AMONG US  6/10

I don't know, there might be a plot point in the title y'all.  Fuck me with a turnip.  Meh.  The werewolf looked cool.  It's entertaining if you are a werewolf fan.  I still think the werewolf genre has not had it's night in the full moon, to silver coin a phrase.  I just threw up in my mouth proofreading that last sentence.  Seriously though, I really would love to see an amazing werewolf movie in the next few years.  I happen to be writing one and have ideas for another.  Tangent.  I gave this one extra point for actually having a werewolf in the film instead of a giant wolf.  Yes, there is a fucking difference.

October 10th - BURN WITCH BURN  8/10
Honestly, I have a hard time enjoying a lot of older horror films lately.  Maybe it's the rehashing of the same plots I've seen incessantly in newer films that ruins the old ones for me upon retroactively viewing.  Well, I have no such trouble with this film.  Masterfully acted and directed, this gem from 1962 still shines in all of it's black and white glory.  Originally titled Night of the Eagle (you'll understand after you see it), I really dug the storyline from start to finish. Highly recommend this and if Hollywood wants to remake everything in horror, I submit that this one would be amazing with the right director.


Okay, I'm sick of writing tonight.  I'm going to watch something.  Here is the list of the rest of the films that will be included in the next 2 parts to this review.  There were some real surprises for me and I can't wait to get to them.  

ROAD TRAIN (US TITLE - ROAD KILL)
SCARECROWS
THE DEVIL'S ROCK
ELVIRA: MISTRESS OF THE DARK
Double Feature - DOLLY DEAREST & DOLLS
THE HAUNTING OF JULIA
CHILDREN OF THE CORN
DON'T LOOK NOW
TOURIST TRAP
PHANTASM
HOUSE OF WAX (1953)
MOON OF THE WOLF
THE CRAFT
THE LOST BOYS
1408
GHOST SHIP
DEADLY BLESSING
SUSPIRIA
INFERNO
MOTHER OF TEARS
Double Feature - HALLOWEEN 4 & HALLOWEEN 5

SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD

Rated PG-13

DIRECTOR: Edgar Wright
STARRING: Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead
WRITTEN BY: Edgar Wright, Michael Bacall
(Based on the graphic novel by: Bryan Lee O'Malley)


CRITICAL SCORE: 9 / 10

BULLET POINTS: 10 / 10

PLOT

Scott Pilgrim must defeat his new girlfriend's 7 evil exes to win her heart.

TRAILER TRASH

Right out of the bag, I thought this shit looked crazy cool inventive and pretty different from the normal fair.  Plus, after just checking out another recent and super cool Cera flick, YOUTH IN REVOLT, I was pretty pumped to see SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD.  So, was this thing a shallow effects-driven mess or was SPVTW actually an 'epic of epic epicness'?.. (The rhyming of the previous sentence is unintentional and upon further review, goofier than a wooden watch.  Therefore, I leave it for your viewing pleasure.)

THE EXPENDABLES

Rated R

DIRECTOR: Sylvester Stallone
STARRING: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Gary Daniels, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, Testosterone
WRITTEN BY: Sylvester Stallone, David Callaham



CRITICAL SCORE: 6 / 10

BULLET POINTS: 7 / 10

PLOT

Sly and his band of mercenaries are hired by Bruce Willis to overthrow a dictator (backed by a corrupt U.S. Agent and his cronies - played by Eric Roberts, Steve Austin and Gary Daniels) in a foreign country, are double-crossed and the motherfuckin' diarrhea shits blast all up in the proverbial fan.

TRAILER TRASH

After seeing the trailers, I wasn't as hype about this flick as my friends.  I thought THE EXPENDABLES looked okay, but that it was probably going to be another let down with slick camera work, watered down action, too much CGI and lame fight sequences not involving the main cast actually fighting one another.  I basically thought these guys were going to beat a bunch of extras to death while trying to look cool and save face.  So, did I clock that bitch in the sweet spot or did THE EXPENDABLES actually snarl its upper lip and deliver a beating to it's audience like the red-headed stepchildren they are?!

LOCK AND LOAD

Listen up all men, hermaphrodites, cross-dressers and anyone(thing) with a pair of danglies.  It is your fucking duty as a ball swinger to get your pansy-ass to the theatre and see THE EXPENDABLES.  If you're a chick, and you have more cojones then your dude, I implore you to shake your little ass over to your local cinema, make numbnuts go with you and he might stop "borrowing" your eyeliner and skinny jeans.

THE RUNAWAYS

Rated R

DIRECTOR: Floria Sigismondi
STARRING: Kristen Stewart, Dakota Fanning
WRITTEN BY: Floria Sigismondi
(Based on the book 'Neon Angel' by: Cherie Currie)


CRITICAL SCORE: 7 / 10

BULLET POINTS: 8 / 10

PLOT

A coming-of-age biopic about the pioneering 70's teenage all girls rock band, The Runaways; specifically centered around Cherie Currie and Joan Jett.

TRAILER TRASH

Last year I happened on a little gem of a film from 1980 called FOXES which starred a teenage Jodie Foster.  Foster is, of course, good in FOXES, however the breakout performance came from someone I had never heard of; Cherie Currie.  So engaging was Cherie in the film, I was compelled to learn more about her and thus read all about her past in the jailbait supergroup, The Runaways.  Literally a week later, news that a film based on Cherie's book 'Neon Angel' had been cast and it would star the incomparable Dakota Fanning as Cherie.  I was skeptical whether the first time director, Floria Sigismondi, could deliver a film that did justice to The Runaways legacy and to Cherie's life. From everything I had read about the production and from Sigismondi herself, I knew this was going to be a film made with a ton of passion and respect for the source.  That combined with great casting meant I was pulling for this flick to live up to its inspiration.  So, was THE RUNAWAYS a homely prude, or was it 'the girl next door, the fox I'd been waiting for?'...